Falling from Grace
by synchthebeat
Summary: When Nitori returns back to the dorm one night in tears, Rin tries his hardest to find out what's wrong. But as the younger's periods of crying and self-loathing seem to become more and more frequent as each day passes, the older can't help but feel more and more helpless at his inability to aid him. Rewrite of The Inability to be a Good Friend. Rin x Nitori as a friendship.
1. Chapter One

**A/N: **A lot of people followed and reviewed and favourited my previous Rintori fanfic - The Inability to be a Good Friend. But it got to a point where I really hated how it was going and how I was writing it and I totally scrapped it and decided I would rewrite it. This is the first chapter of the rewritten version! I can't guarantee how often I'll be updating this - it'll probably be once a month if not longer because I just have so little time to work on writing stuff that I want to write.

This starts...sometime after the regional tournament but the pair aren't referring to each other with first names by this point, simply because I want to make that change of referring to each other by first names something important in this. This is a purely friendship-based fanfic, but romantic feelings will most likely be touched on further in. I do take suggestions for fluff though, so if the lack of romance is getting at you, just send a message my way if you want something written and I'll whip something up! It won't be the same 'universe', but it's fluff so ww

This may go quite OOC btw, I apologize for that.

Ah, one more note: I've gotten really used to writing fanfics in present tense, so there's a chance I've accidentally changed from past to present partway through. If I have, please tell me and I'll change it!

* * *

"Thank fuck that's over."

Just looking at his roommate's desk gave Rin an odd sense of accomplishment as he gave his aching arms an exaggerated stretch. _'His books weigh a fucking ton, I swear to God.' _Seeing the unorganized mountains of books slowly grow in height as each day passed pissed off the swimmer more than would be natural for most people, but it was just how he was - being around such a mess made him way too uncomfortable.

The knowledge that the table would simply fill up with even more books than before was a frightening thought that Rin didn't want to even begin contemplating.

"What's taking Nitori so long anyway?" he muttered, clicking the side button of his phone. "It's already nine."

He was sure his friend had left around seven and he was even surer that the words that were shouted to him were, _"I'm just going to the bookstore to see if I can find something! Be back in a bit!" _The dread that had delved into his stomach at that moment wasn't easily forgettable, so the thought that his mind was incorrect wasn't an idea he held.

Perhaps he had misheard him?

_'But what else could he have said?'_

Before Rin had time to ponder over the issue any further, the familiar _click! _of the dorm room door opening echoed throughout.

"Oi, Nitori! If you've bought more than what you were originally going there to find, I'm moving out." Honestly, Rin didn't even know whether that was a genuine threat or not, but the abrupt lack of movement from the entrance made it clear that Nitori didn't even want to risk it.

_Click!_

And again, the door was shut. A sigh flowed from between his lips, but without realizing it, a small smile began to form. No matter how he may treat the fellow swimmer when agitated, or how he may speak to him when something irritated him, there was little that Rin disliked about the boy. Sure, like now, he could be a total dumbass. But on the other hand, he could be an incredibly caring person—and Rin, being unable to comfortably help another by direct means, could do nothing but admire that.

Aware of the laughter bubbling up in his throat, but trying his damnedest to keep it down, the cerise-haired boy casually scuffed his feet along the wood towards the door, and wasted no time in throwing the panel open once he was close enough.

_Thud._

Silence consumed the room as Rin stared down at the fallen boy—no doubt Nitori had been leaning pretty heavily against the door when he'd yanked it open. "…You're on my foot." He wiggled his toes as he spoke, nudging his foot up slightly as a hint for the kid to shuffle.

However, no matter how long he waited, the colourful textbook staring him in the face didn't move one inch. "Oi." Multiple times did Rin move his squished limb up and down and back up again and back down again, but when there seemed to be no sign of any movement, irritation began to set in. A 'tch' left the corner of his mouth as he continued to look down with narrowed eyes.

"Are you listening to me or what?" The question came out filled with impatience as the space between each lever-like movement gradually grew shorter and shorter. Eventually, Rin could do nothing else but give in to his annoyance and didn't hesitate in jerking his foot out from under the fluff of silver, giving way to another almighty _thud!_ It sounded painful, but the kid deserved it for not moving sooner.

_'It sounded painful, but I didn't hear him say, "Ow! That hurt, Senpai!"…or something along those lines, anyway.' _Dubiety took over his face as red eyes continued to stare down at the book whose pages never seemed to turn. _'Did he…fall asleep reading it or something?' _But then how could he manage to hold it up? Though his angle of vision wasn't the greatest, Rin could easily tell that the book wasn't flat against his roommate's face, like his head had been his foot.

In an attempt to get a reaction, Rin spoke again to the unusually quiet boy: "I was only kidding about moving out, so go bring your books in before someone thinks I've thrown you out or something."

Despite his efforts, no words left Nitori's mouth…or at least, that's how it stayed for a while. But eventually, a small, "Okay," was muttered and the thick tome rose with the rest of the thin body. Eyes narrowed yet again, Rin continued to stare, doing his best to catch sight of each and every movement – the shutting of the book, the hand reaching outside to pick up a plastic bag—far smaller than anticipated—but more importantly, the fervent wiping of the eyes.

It was an unnatural movement that was very often paired with one other substance: tears.

_'Did I… Did I maybe really hurt him?' _A sudden rush of guilt ran through the swimmer's body as he rushed forward without thought and twirled the boy right around to face him. There was a loud _bang! _which caused jumps of fright from both parties—Nitori had already been partway through closing their dorm room's door when Rin had turned him, so the sudden wrenching of his body only increased the speed of the shutting wood.

The resulting noise was way too loud for Rin's liking and he could only silently pray that the others in their dorm didn't begin coming round to investigate; especially not the captain. _'Holy fuck, if he comes here, I have no idea how to explain what just happened.' _To an outsider, it would look like nothing other than Rin intimidating Nitori, when really, he was just…

_'Wait, is he _actually _crying?' _It had only been a simple guess before, but now that it seemed his guess was right, panic slowly began to overpower anything else he may have been feeling. _'Shit, what do I do?' _Rin's grip on the other's shoulders faltered as he tried his best to imagine what his mother would've done in a situation like this. Red eyes darted about the silver-haired boy's body as he considered all possibilities.

In reality though, there were none: he couldn't think straight now that he had to deal with someone crying right then and there.

With nothing but pure brotherly instinct driving him, Rin, with trembling fingers, pulled down one of the hands rubbing at the bowed head and eased the plastic bag from his wrist. _'Hey, it really is quite light.' _After placing it down without much care of how it stood – or even fell – the boy turned his attention straight back to his roommate.

"You okay?" he asked, in as gentle a voice as he could manage. "What's up? Did I hurt you when I opened the door?" By this point, Rin was trying his hardest to get a proper look at Nitori's face; he was crouching down and making what was turning out to be a useless attempt at getting the other to stop his seemingly relentless wiping.

"Hey, come on – look at me, Nitori." The unfamiliar soft tone that the order came out in seemed to be enough to persuade the younger, as shortly after, the slender arms belonging to him slowly lowered.

_'Fucking hell._' The shock that Rin felt wasn't something that aided his panic.

_'The whole area around his eyes is red; has he been crying since before he even got back here?' _Though not a realisation that he gained happiness from, it would explain how strangely silent his usually overly-talkative roommate had been.

"…It's fine, Senpai: you didn't hurt me." The smile given was so fake it was unbelievable, and it did nothing but ignite a fire of anger within him. Did the kid feel like it was necessary to act happy even when he wasn't?

"Are you not feeling well?" Rin lightly placed his hand underneath Nitori's fringe and gently pushed his palm onto the other's forehead. _'It doesn't feel too warm or anything.'_

Nitori gave nothing more than a head shake, and Rin removed the hand seeking the non-existent abnormal temperature. "'m just a bit tired, is all." The quiet squeak that reached the cerise-haired boy's ears reminded him of a mouse, and it nearly caused him to laugh. However, knowing the inappropriateness of such a thought in such a situation, he quickly discarded it.

With a sigh, Rin stood back up, stretching his legs at the same time, and placed a hand on his roommate's back. "Here, why don't you get changed and get into bed and I'll get some water for you." He could feel a 'You don't have to get me anything, Senpai' objection coming up, and quickly dissolved the thought with a, "I was going to get a bottle anyway; I never realized we'd run out."

After a little persuasion from Rin's hand, Nitori moved himself further into their room and began removing his outer garments. Despite telling himself to leave, that nothing useful was going to leave Nitori's mouth at this point of time, and that it wasn't right to try and force him to speak about something he didn't want to speak about, Rin, hand gripped tightly around door handle, continued to stare back at his friend.

Honestly, he hated looking at Nitori in such a state.

The uncharacteristically sluggish pace at which the boy moved, and the frequent snot-filled sniffs paired with the continual tear-wiping hit the older right in the chest. He'd seen Nitori have his down periods before, and he'd seen him ill as well, but this was like nothing he'd ever encountered with the kid.

_It hurt to not be able to do anything._

"No one's said anything bad to you, have they?" It came out of Rin's mouth before he had time to consider it, but now that he thought about it, that seemed like a totally plausible idea. When Nitori seemed to constantly hang around him during lunch or on holidays, Rin's first thoughts had been that the kid simply pitied him for holding so little friends—the idea had pissed him off, but he appreciated Nitori's company, so he could look over that—but as time passed, he couldn't help but question why the younger never seemed to be off with any of his own friends.

His curiosity hit an all-time high when Rin once caught sight of Nitori during a period of P.E. while on the way to deliver a message for his teacher. The older had always thought that Nitori had one of those personalities that people could easily gain a liking for—sure, he could blab a lot, but he was a good person; incredibly supportive, too. Yet, when his eyes had taken a wander out the window over the track field, he'd noticed the kid sitting on his own, isolated from the rest. There were many possible explanations, like maybe his friends were absent that day, or perhaps it was their turn. But…there was just something nagging at him about the whole situation.

Were the feelings he held truly curiosity or were they…?

"No one's said or done anything to me, Senpai."

Another sigh. Disheartened by his failed attempts at getting his friend to talk, the only thing Rin could do was head off to the vending machines and buy their water. "Ah, do I have any money on me?" The click of the door accompanied the click in his head, and when he reached into his pocket and heard the familiar clinking of metal coins, relief flushed through him.

Rin wasn't ready to head back in to his room just yet.

So much so, that he didn't even check to see how much money he held.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

When Rin returned, only the lamp on Nitori's desk was turned on, and there was a large lump under the kid's blanket. Thankfully, he'd had more than enough money to get large bottles for the two of them, but he'd hoped he could have given it to the kid before he slept. _'Is he really asleep though?'_

"Hey, Nitori. You still up?" The voice he called out in was quiet, but still loud enough for his roommate to hear so long as he was awake.

Despite the lack of a response though, Rin had a hard time believing Nitori was truly sleeping. If he was asked why he felt that, he probably couldn't tell you, but there was just one part of him that refused to think he wasn't pretending. On the other hand, there really was a chance the younger was asleep, and it's not like Rin wanted to wake him up should that be the case.

"I'll put your water beside you, okay?"

Deciding that to be a much safer path to take, Rin reached up and over the metal bars, and dropped one of the bottles beside the back-turned body lying there. For a while, the swimmer stood there, staring at the silent lump, hoping, just hoping, that it would turn round and take a drink from the bottle.

But it never happened.

That night was the first night in a while that Rin, lying in his own bed, heard nothing but unintended coughs, unintentionally loud sobs and staggered breaths from above his head.

* * *

**A/N: **Ahhh, for some reason, this chapter is shorter than what I usually write, but eh...it's just the first chapter. They'll probably get longer as I go on. Hope you enjoyed useless-at-comforting Rin! uwu


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N: **Hello! Here is January's chapter for you today!

The first thing I want to do is thank everyone for following and favouriting me like honestly, thank you so much! I've never had that many favs and follows for a first chapter before so it was a really big surprise ww Definitely a pleasant one, I can say that.

The second thing I would like to do is tell you that February's chapter may either come early or late, and April - May may only have one chapter or just not even come at all. The reason for this is that starting February 14th (Valentine's Day!) - 20th, my prelims will be going on uwu And then after that, the maths prelim has been pushed forward until March, because apparently, we're all behind on what we're doing. I don't know what date that is, but I'll be preparing for it. Then, the practical music exam can be as early as the 1st March, because music exams work differently to other subjects. After that, the other exams are around April - May, so of course I'll be studying for them rather than writing this. I'm really sorry for that!

The THIRD thing I'd like to do is tell everyone that I've added Seijuurou to the character directory thing because he's most likely going to play a pretty big role in this in helping Rin figure out stuff with Nitori. Most likely not directly, but he'll give hints along the way probably, and you'll notice in this chapter that he plays a pretty big role. So I guess you could consider the Rin x Seijuurou friendship in there as well. The Rin x Nitori friendship'll be more focused on though I think.

The fourth thing I'd like to do is simply ask for you to enjoy the chapter! Again, if I made any mistakes (especially with tenses) or if you wish to make suggestions for either short fluffy fics or perhaps for something to happen in _this _fic (because if I'm honest, I have very little planned) or even just about what I could do to improve this, send me a message (or if it's a suggestion / mistake / improvement, you can mention it in a review) and I'll see what I can do!

(More OOC characters again, gomen)

* * *

The next morning greeted Rin with nothing but silence: no alarm, and no Nitori preparing for school.

With still-groggy eyes, the cerise-haired boy reached for his phone and checked the lit-up screen for the time. _'Woke up before my alarm, huh?' _Deciding there was little to no point in going back to sleep—there was only fifteen minutes before his phone was due to wake him up anyway—Rin turned off his alarm and, with a stretch of his arms, slowly stepped out of bed.

_'Five minutes until Nitori's alarm goes off.'_

Nerves settled in the pit of Rin's stomach at the thought. After the state his roommate had been in the night before, he couldn't imagine what the air would be like between them today. _'How am I even supposed to act when the kid wakes up…?' _Ever since he'd gone to the vending machines to buy the bottles of water, the boy's mind had been plagued with nothing but that _horrible _sight of Nitori's tear-stained face and unnaturally sluggish movement.

Every time he'd managed to catch up to slumber, that unnerving scene pulled him all the way back.

_'I'm fucking exhausted.'_

Rubbing at his stinging eyes with one hand, Rin slowly staggered over to the pile of running clothes sitting on the green chair in front of his desk. Honestly, he couldn't be arsed to do anything today, never mind train. Thoughts of practice didn't even touch him with the fear of becoming the target of his tired irritation.

On his way to pick up the pile though, something caught Rin's attention out the corner of his eye. With narrowed eyelids, he turned. Turned and stared. Just stared. Confusion setting into his brain, red irises darted over to the side of his bed, where a near-empty bottle of water stood.

_'My bottle's there, so…'_

What caught his attention was _Nitori's_ bottle of water, lying on its side near the mini-fridge. Mind still not fully awoken, he walked over in a daze, trying to piece together what he was looking at in his head. _'I put that beside him last night, didn't I? Did he… Did he kick it off or something?' _It was only when the boy was standing right above the bottle that one amazing fact clicked.

_The bottle was half-empty._

Eyes slowly widened and the previously-slouched posture was gradually sorted. "He actually…drank some of it." The swimmer wasn't speaking to anyone in particular – it was really just a statement of a fact.

No, that isn't quite right.

It wasn't _just _a statement of a fact. It was a fact stated out loud to allow Rin's brain to take that fact in.

Usually, it wouldn't be such a big deal—yeah, someone drank some water, so what? But taking into account Nitori's state the night before, it was… What was it? What was it he was feeling? _'Is it…relief?'_

For a while, Rin stood there, a dumbfounded expression plastered onto his face. But when he finally snapped out of whatever trance he had thrown himself into, he began reaching down towards the clear plastic. Began is the key word here—he never succeeded in his first attempt at acquiring the bottle.

_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!_

A swear word kept trapped by his lips, Rin jumped into a standing position. _'…It's just Nitori's alarm.' _When the source of the ear-splitting shriek was identified, the boy placed a hand on his chest and gave a laughing breath out.

"Nitori, your alarm gave me the fright of my fucking life!" he called up as a silver hedge of hair peeped up.

"Senpai…?" A groggy voice let out his name in a questioning tone as its owner yawned. "You're up early."

"Yeah, I accidentally woke up before my alarm," he explained, again reaching down for the other's drink. "By the way, you knocked your bottle of water down la—"

And again. Again, that picture of Nitori's crying face attacked him.

Energy pulled from his voice, he finished: "—last night. Do you want me to put it somewhere?"

There was no doubt Nitori had heard the sudden change of tone. Was it that one change that caused the tension between the two to build up within a few seconds? Was it that one change that caused the stifling silence to permeate the room? Was it that one change that caused Nitori's expression to darken? "Just put it on my desk." …Was it that one change that caused Nitori to sound like he was snarling at him?

He'd never admit it out loud, but honestly? Nitori's current attitude scared Rin.

"…All right." It came out quiet, meek, and somehow, it frustrated him. Hand gripped tightly round the bottle, Rin did his best to walk as calmly as he could manage to the wooden table. Surely it wasn't like him to be so obedient? He wasn't entirely sure what was going on with Nitori, but man did it piss him off. Speaking with that kind of tone to someone older was just plain fucking rude.

Anger tempted the cerise-haired boy to slam the water down, but slow, deep breaths calmed him down enough to simply set it down gentl—

_Bang!_

Heart halfway out his throat, Rin immediately whirled round at the frightening noise. Lying sprawled out on his back, legs partway up the metal ladder, arms thrown out, was Nitori. There was little time between the sound of the fall and Rin's cry of his roommate's name; almost immediately was the swimmer beside his friend, trying his best to gently ease the other into a sitting position.

"Hey, are you all right!?" The desperation coating his voice surprised him, but there was no need to care about that at such a time. "What happened!?" Uncontrollable tremors and wide blue eyes filled with fear were the only response he got.

Another loud noise caused Rin's heart to nearly fall out his mouth. "Oi, Matsuoka!?"

"Captain!?"

Standing there, door wide open, body already halfway in the room, was Mikoshiba. _'Why the fuck is he here!?' _That wasn't that mattered though, was it? What mattered right now was Nitori. That's what Rin told himself, but when he turned back and saw red-rimmed eyes leaking tears, and hands tightly clutching sleeves, all understanding left from within him.

"What happened?" the captain immediately asked, shutting the door and striding over to the two sitting on the wooden planks. His voice had calmed down, but it was still firm, and Rin almost felt like… "Hey, Matsuoka!"

Snapped out of his trance, the younger tried to form words in his mouth but they didn't leave. Instead, he was stuck there, mouth moving aimlessly, just like a fish. "Matsuoka, look at me." Like a dog, he obediently turned. "What happened to Nitori?" Piercing yellow eyes stared him right in the face, but all firmness from within his voice had been replaced with nothing but gentle concern.

_'Is this really the captain?'_

"He…I think he slipped when he was climbing down the ladder." Rin could only speak his words in broken sentences and it _fucking frustrated him. _Why was he so flustered anyway? It's not like Nitori was dying or anything, right?

"Hey, Nitori." Mikoshiba's voice softened more than Rin had ever heard as the man placed his hands on the youngest's shoulders and gently squeezed. "Are you all right? You didn't hurt anywhere too badly, did you?" This wasn't the captain, surely? This wasn't that idiotic piece of shit that had an irritating crush on his sister, was it?

Nitori's shake of the head was enough to set something off in Rin. Those tensed-up hands immediately relaxed as he stared in disbelief at his current captain. This wasn't that stupid, childish Mikoshiba he knew, was it? "Did you just get a bit of a fright?" The smile he adorned after learning there was nothing drastically wrong with the silver-haired boy was like nothing Rin had ever seen on his senpai's face.

Another nod from the smaller, and Rin couldn't take anymore.

Head lowered, he simply muttered a "I need to go get a drink," before removing his support of Nitori and marching out of the room. He heard the shout of his name as he left, but it didn't matter to him. Right now, he didn't want to face either Nitori _or _the captain.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Rin wasn't sitting in front of those lit-up vending machines because he was thirsty—no, of course not. He just needed to get out of that room – get away from the unfamiliar captain and away from the crying Nitori.

With a long, drawn-out sigh, the boy rubbed both hands over his surprisingly cold face, before dragging his right through his hair, and down to the nape of his neck, where he left it. Just left it there, hanging loosely. As he stared down at the stone floor, left arm draped loosely over his leg, he couldn't help but get irritated at his fringe. He hadn't had time to sort his hair before all that stupid _shit _happened, so it was all still gathered in front of his eyes and it irritated the _fuck _out of him.

Honestly though, he didn't have the energy to get truly angry at such a trivial matter.

Memories of both the previous night and the events from a few minutes ago merged together into a big blur in his mind. The longer they swirled around and joined up, as if searching for a partner to hurt him with, the tighter fists he made.

Speaking truthfully to himself, the real reason he left that stifling room—the reason he left the side of a potentially suffering friend—wasn't because he wanted to get away from Nitori's uncharacteristic mannerisms; nor was it to get away from Mikoshiba's complete and utter change. In reality, it was to get away from his own emotions. To get away from those unnecessary feelings that persistently attempted to catch hold of him—that slowly wrapped themselves around his chest until he just couldn't breathe.

What he was running away from was his own helplessness.

No matter what method he tried, Rin just couldn't forget that caring smile of his captain that never once had he ever seen. Everything about him changed in that one moment: his facial expression; the tone of his voice; the words he spoke; even the air he emitted. The only question he could ask himself was **_how?_**

How could that whimsical, carefree captain be capable of such comforting words? How could that face that usually held nothing but a straight line or some goofy smile turn into something so gentle? How was he able to know exactly what words to say when he knew Nitori nowhere near as well as him? How the fucking hell could that stupid, irritating shit of a captain do what he couldn't?

How the fuck could he _look so fucking __**dependable?**_

…Rin never noticed when he punched the soft cushiony seat in anger, or when he shouted out in pure irritation. It only registered in his brain when he noticed how tight his fists had become and how hard his left knuckles were pushing into the seat between his legs and how loud and ragged his breathing had become.

Nitori had slipped partway through climbing down the ladder; there was a chance that he could have seriously hurt himself. But what did he even do to help him? Get him to sit up? Ask unanswered questions? Why wasn't he able to comfort the kid, even if he wouldn't get any responses back? Why wasn't he able to do what the captain had done? It wasn't hard, was it? Why was he so fucking _useless _at everything?

_Clink._

Every body part loosened when a small red can was sat in front of him. For a while, he simply sat there and blinked at the metal, wondering what it was doing there. In fact, he continued to do that even as he slowly picked it up, feeling that familiar freezing sensation in his palm. Eventually, Rin raised his eyes upwards, and saw the one man he wasn't expecting to see.

"…Captain."

This was the Mikoshiba Seijuurou he knew – the serious one, at least: straight-faced, penetrating golden eyes, relaxed posture, body leaned to one side. This was the captain he was used to, not that…

"You came here to get a drink, didn't you?" There has a hint of a smile there – not that strange smile from before, but a smile all the same – and something about it pissed the younger off. Was he making fun of him or something?

That smile was soon replaced by a frown, and something inside Rin dreaded what was going to be said next.

"Just what happened to you in there? It's not like you to just abandon someone in pain like that."

That was the one thing that the boy just couldn't answer. Rin didn't want to admit to Mikoshiba just how helpless he had felt in that room with Nitori, or how much he had suddenly felt like he could depend on the older. Speaking honestly, it wasn't just Mikoshiba he didn't want to admit it to, he didn't want to admit it to _anyone._

Without replying, the younger lowered his head, staring at the cold drink he held. He heard the fizz from the tab pushing through the can from Mikoshiba's direction, but he simply held no desire to move, let alone open his own.

He just wanted to forget everything and sleep.

"…Did something happen between the two of you?" Mikoshiba broke the long silence that had ensued by asking another unwanted question. Those words were all it took to bring back everything from the previous night—it all just hit him straight in the chest. Teeth gritted and fists clenched in an attempt to withstand the pain, but it was useless. Nothing he did could stop it. Nothing at all.

"Here, give me your can." Rin's eyebrows scrunched up at Mikoshiba's odd request, but he complied anyway, releasing his grip and allowing it to fall into the older's outstretched hand. _'Ah.' _He hadn't realized just how tightly he'd been squeezing it until he had to release it. _'So that's why.' _He didn't say it out loud, but it was clear the captain only took it from him because he didn't want it to burst—because he could see how distressed he was becoming.

It was only at that moment that Rin realized how vulnerable he must look to the red-haired man standing above him, sipping away at his own drink.

_And he fucking hated it._

"Are you willing to tell me what went on?"

No. That was the immediate answer that Rin's mind forged and it would be impossible to change. It hurt an unbelievable amount just thinking about it; he didn't even want to attempt talking about it. No way in fucking hell. In fact, instead of answering to Mikoshiba's concerns, Rin asked his own question: "Why did you come?"

"Hm?"

"Why did you come into our room?" The first attempt came out as a mere mumble, but the second came out as a near shout. He wasn't angry at the fact that Mikoshiba had came into their room: he was angry at the fact that, if Mikoshiba hadn't came when he did, Rin wasn't sure if he would've been able to deal with the situation appropriately.

There was even more silence between them, and Rin gradually became more and more curious of the captain's expression. But the emotions swirling around inside of him refused to let his eyes touch the other's face.

"I had just came back from asking a classmate something, and I was about to head into my room, but then I heard some really loud bangs coming from _your_ room. Usually I would just ignore it, but then I heard you shouting and I began to worry so I just came in to check." Every sentence was spoken slowly and carefully, like the red-haired man was looking out for something—though seemingly not finding what it was he was looking for. "Sorry about not knocking though."

Rin didn't respond to the apology. In fact, he didn't respond to any one part of the story. All he really cared about was how Mikoshiba managed to get through to Nitori while he couldn't.

"If something happened, you can talk to me about it. I'm your captain, after all." It felt almost odd having the captain be so nice to him—he wasn't used to this kind of treatment from him. In fact, it was _because_ he wasn't used to it that he couldn't even speak a word about what was troubling him.

"…How's Nitori?" Not only did inquiring into such a thing direct their conversation elsewhere away from him, it also moved it onto something he genuinely wanted to hear.

"He's not badly hurt himself or anything, don't worry; he just got a bit of a fright when he fell." Those words were a relief to Rin, but the next few flipped his stomach upside down. "Injuries aside though, he didn't look all that well. Even though I asked him more than once if he was really okay, he didn't stop saying he was fine. I've told him he's free to miss practice if he doesn't feel up to it later in the day, so don't panic if he doesn't turn up, okay?"

"Why would I panic?" With an eyebrow raised, Rin almost glared at the red-haired swimmer, who was pulling open the tab on his can.

"Well, why not? He's your friend and roommate, right?" There was a half smile as the older offered the drink back.

"You're welcome to have it—I don't really want it." As Mikoshiba pulled back his hand, his whole face contorted with concern. What for, though? "As for Nitori, if he wasn't there at practice, I might wonder where he was but I wouldn't go into a panic thinking someone'd kidnapped him or something."

Another uncomfortable silence.

"…What about you? You feeling okay?"

"I'm just perfect, why?"

Rin noticed straight away how unnaturally fast his response was almost as soon as he'd said it. At first, he simply hoped that Mikoshiba had a totally dense moment and didn't notice anything odd about the situation at all. However, contrary to what he wished, the look of worry present on the older's face merely deepened. Internally cursing at himself, Rin averted his red eyes from Mikoshiba's golden ones.

"Here, it might be a good idea for you to give yourself a bit of a rest today. I don't see you missing practice, but at least don't do any other exercise – that includes jogging. Just take a break for today or something." Mikoshiba's voice had turned just that tiny touch gentler—something about it made it easier for Rin to mentally accept that idea. It wasn't to the extent that it reminded him of the odd Mikoshiba in his room, and it wasn't like he had that creepy smile on his face, so in the end, all he was seeing as a swim team's captain looking out for the health of his teammate.

"Is that all right?"

At Mikoshiba's search for confirmation, Rin could do nothing but simply nod.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

As Mikoshiba had wished, Rin didn't go for his usual morning jog, nor did he plan to go on any other jogs for the rest of the day. More than because the captain wanted him to, he was really just too tired to bother. He knew that those sorts of thoughts were what drove people into bad procrastinating habits, but he was too exhausted to care. It wasn't like anything drastic had happened, yet he felt physically and mentally drained, and it did nothing but confuse him.

When he'd left to go back to his room, the captain had given the can back to him and had very clearly asked, _"Can you at least try and drink it?" _It's not like he hated the stuff, but he just didn't feel in the best mood to have a fizzy drink—ultimately though, he battled his way through until there was only a small layer of the stuff left at the bottom. Something about the way Mikoshiba had asked it made him want to at least do that much for the guy.

School wasn't the greatest way for Rin to calm down – in fact it probably just made him feel worse. Nitori, saying there was somewhere he had to go first, left as soon as he returned, but something constantly nagged at him that it was simply an excuse to get away from him.

It was impossible to stay focused during class and needless to say, almost all of his teachers brought it up. Knowing it to be unusual, and that the kid wasn't a bad student, they didn't bring it up in front of the class: they spoke to him about it privately, and something about that made it feel worse in Rin's mind. Many a time was he asked if he was okay; if something had perhaps happened within his family, or perhaps with his swimming. But every time, the only answers the boy gave were,

"I'm fine, sir."

"Nothing's happened at all, miss."

"There's really nothing wrong."

None of it was believable: neither the way he said it nor the words he used. But at the very least, the teachers didn't push him for answers that he clearly wasn't going to give. The fact that they had expressed their concern was enough for them and for the moment, they were happy to leave it at that. But Rin knew if he didn't step up his act, he was going to get thoroughly questioned until at least _some _sort of decent answer escaped him.

If he was lucky, the situation with Nitori would clear up before it came to that.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

By the time swimming practice came around, Rin was absolutely shattered. Forging lies and trying his best to listen in on what was being said during class had taken its toll on the boy's already-exhausted body. Honestly, there was a part of his brain that desperately wanted to just skip practice altogether. But the dedicated, focused swimmer within him vehemently denied the request.

Nitori wasn't there, just like Mikoshiba had told him, but neither brought it up. Rin never brought it up simply because he didn't want to think about Nitori, but what about Mikoshiba? Was he afraid that he would distract the cerise-haired boy from swimming as best as he could?

_'If that's the case, he's far too late to be worrying about that.'_

The boy could feel his captain's gleaming golden eyes staring right at his body as he took slow, casual steps over to the starting block. That unpleasant feeling that derived from the boring glare sent a larger-than-large shiver down his back—Rin had to wonder if it really was that or if he was just incredibly cold. Something about the way he was being so intently watched frightened him; though it was usually a normal occurrence, there was just…something different about it this time.

Just like when he was speaking with him before, it almost seemed like…he was searching for something. _'Is he wanting me to slip and make a total piss of myself or something?'_

Thinking about it though, it wasn't like Mikoshiba wanted him to come to practice in the first place. _"I don't see you missing practice" _is what he'd said, right? That meant he'd considered asking, didn't it? The reason behind him not wanting Rin to come…was concern, wasn't it? _'Is he just waiting for me to collapse, then?'_

Usually, something like that would piss him off; however, instead of that seed of rage that would more often than not implant itself within his heart, there was some light, fluffy feeling in there instead. Rin wasn't entirely sure what it meant or even what it was, but it wasn't a bad feeling.

As he pulled on his goggles and stepped onto the starting block, he sent a, "You ready?" to the kid timing him as a stand-in for Nitori. When a nod was given back as a response, the swimmer lowered himself into the starting position…and then something hit him.

The kid timing him was a stand-in for Nitori?

Even if Nitori had came that day, would he really time him after what had been happening? Would he stand waiting for him, towel in hand? Would he shout those words of encouragement? Speak those words of support? Gleefully tell him that he'd beaten his record again? Disappointedly tell him that he'd not beaten it, but then smile back again and reassure him that it was still a good time?

If he had actually came today, would he have done any of that?

_'That kid isn't a stand-in for Nitori at all.'_

The cerise-haired boy bit the inside of his lip, trying his hardest to focus on nothing but the water in front of him. When he suddenly heard his name being shouted and what-sounded-like running footsteps though, confusion entered his brain. Running in a swimming pool? Isn't that against health and safety? Who was shouting his name anyway? And actually, why were they shouting his name? Could he not just swim first, talk later?

Before he could ask himself anymore questions—before he even knew what was really going on—his body was submerged under the water, and his legs felt like they were burning with nothing but pain.

* * *

**A/N: **And that's the end of this month's chapter! I hope you could enjoy this somehow uwu

(also dont mistake that light fluffy feeling for love or im gonna kick you up the ass i ship seijuurou x rin but this isn't a romance fanfic im not going to do that after saying in the first chapter that this is going to be focused on friendship with romantic feelings being touched on)


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N: **Hello again, everyone! Here's February's chapter for this, which I just finished. To be honest, I've been so focused on studying that there's probably a lot of things wrong in this and stuff that doesn't make sense, so please point it out if you come across something like that and I'll try my hardest to sort it!

I also have possible bad news in that there's a chance that there won't be another chapter for at least a couple of months, what with prelims and exams on. I'll try as best as I can to get a chapter ready for next month, but if it isn't, I'm really, really sorry.

I'd like to thank everyone for following and favouriting! I'd also like to thank _Remember your Tears _and _Beiowulf _for reviewing, and as for _Beiowulf, _as a response to the question stated, this _will _only be a friendship fanfic. Things may be hinted at or perhaps even spoken about, but nothing will be acted upon. Depending on how this ends, I may start a new fanfic with a "What if?" sort of scenario where Rin will end up with Nitori (and possibly Rin with Seijuurou) because this kind of thing seems like it would end up as more of a Nitori - Rin - Seijuurou sort of idea at the current time.

You never know though, that could change.

Btw, this became a really Rin + Seijuurou friendship chapter, I'm sorry. There'll be more Rin and Nitori in the next chapter, I promise! (*;▽;*)

* * *

A strength Rin had never felt before reached under his arms and pulled—and kept on pulling—until his head was out of the water. Coughs and splutters were all that were thrown from his lips as he attempted to catch back the breath that he hadn't taken. Honestly, he didn't even know what had happened; all he knew was that his legs hurt and he couldn't stop hacking and wheezing.

That unknown power again pulled at him until he was lying on his side, breathing in as much oxygen as he could, yet struggling to manage. Shouts echoed around the large swimming pool as heavy eyelids raised, revealing red irises which attempted to take in the situation unfolding around them.

"…k at me."

Rin's lips attempted to move—attempted to aid in his venture for speech, but ultimately failed. A puppet without his ventriloquist, the boy instead attempted to turn his attention elsewhere; to the movement rather than the speech.

"Matsuoka?"

It took much effort, but eventually, the swimmer managed to clench his two sets of fingers into tight fists, and release them again. For a while, he lay there and repeated the same movement over and over as control slowly eased itself back into his body.

"Can you look at me?"

Breathing rate gradually returning to its normal state, Rin felt ready to sit himself up. So, with sluggish movement and some odd sense of determination, he pushed first one hand down into the cold whiteness beneath him, and then another, until he finally found the strength to begin levering his upper body up.

_'Just what happened?'_

It was the only question that rotated round the circuits in his brain as he tried his hardest to move the limbs that were lying down behind him. Staring intently at them only reminded him of the pain that was shooting through each of them, and he had to grit his teeth to bear with the horrible feeling. Regardless of how much they hurt though, he just needed them to _move._

Before he could even do that though, large, rough hands gripped him tightly at both shoulders and dragged him up into what was definitely a much more comfortable position. Despite being aware he wasn't in danger, his head whipped round to see just who it was that was grabbing him. To say that he was surprised wasn't quite true, but it wasn't quite false either.

"…Captain."

Rin's voice came out a lot more stable than he had thought possible at the time, but it wasn't something he felt any need to object about. What was a much more pressing matter was the fact that he was staring right into two _very _frightening gleaming golden eyes. It's not like it was possible for eyes to glow or light up in the dark, but the man in front of him's eyes almost looked like they were _shining. _There was some sort of intense emotion firing from them, but Rin couldn't quite pinpoint what it was.

"Are you okay? Do you feel ill at all? Dizzy? Did you hurt yourself?"

"What? No." There was no hesitation in the answer to the barrage of questions at all. There was even less hesitation when the cerise-haired boy yanked himself out of the older's grip and began moving his legs into a pose that could support him. Honestly, the pain in his shins almost felt like someone was roasting them in flames, but it didn't look like they were broken or anything, so it was fine to just leave and let them heal by themselves, right? He wasn't entirely sure what had happened—it just felt like he'd whacked them really hard against something solid, so all that would really be left there would be bruises, right?

The more Rin told himself how minor the damage was, the less pain he found himself having to put up with and the easier he found it to push up into a standing position. He felt Mikoshiba's eyes staring right at him the whole time and it was unsettling to say the least. Red eyes flicked over onto a concerned captain—his features pulled down into a frown and his hands ready to leap if he ended up falling. Some odd tension hovered between them for what seemed like hours before the captain pushed himself up with a sigh, eyes glued to Rin's body the whole time.

"I'm fine, Captain, seriously. I'm standing up perfectly fine, amn't I?" That wasn't exactly the truth, but he'd much rather deal with the problem himself than kick up a fuss and be the centre of attention. _'Failed at that a bit though, didn't I?'_

Mikoshiba's mouth opened, a response prepared, but before he could let it out, a shout came from a first year—at least, Rin thought he was one—quickly walking across the tiles toward them. "Captain Mikoshiba! I brought the towel you asked for!"

"Ah, thank you."

_'Towel?' _Rin unintentionally glared at the yellow towel that had been retrieved. _'Did he get that for me?' _When the fabric was held out towards him by the sharp-eyed man in front of him, a questioning frown was shoved onto his features and his gaze travelled up to meet those golden eyes.

"Take this and go get changed. I don't want you swimming today." It was…blunt, to say the least. The matter-of-fact tone cloaking his upperclassman's voice caused a shiver to run down Rin's spine and goosebumps began forming all over. That could always be because he was cold, though.

Although butterflies had began fluttering around in his stomach at the somewhat intimidating state of his captain, Rin didn't want to just give in and be all like, _"Yeah, okay, sure. I'll just skip today's practice like I did all the other exercise I was supposed to do today." _Definitely not.

After silently breathing in a slightly longer breath and allowing it to gently flow out from between his lips, the boy filled his heart with courage and stared Mikoshiba straight in the eye. "Sorry, but I'm afraid I can't agree to doing that." If the older thought he was going to back down just like that, he was sorely mistaken.

"If you practice in the state you're in now, you're just going to hurt yourself even more." There was something in the way his captain spoke that unsettled Rin and it made him suddenly regret his choice about not backing down.

"…I already told you I was fine, didn't I?" Like a spoiled kid making up excuses, the cerise-haired boy turned and lowered his head slightly—though continued to keep his eyes focused on his opponent's—almost pouting as he muttered the response. "I'm sorry but I've already missed my other exercises because of what you said earlier; I'm not gonna skip my swimming practice as well, Captain. Besides, it's not like yo—"

"I don't need any of your shit today, Matsuoka!" Rin's whole body jumped at the abrupt raise of volume and soon enough, he found his eyes averting from those anger-filled ones. "Now stop being a stupid little brat and go rest in your room!" Aware that even the attention of those that had been trying their hardest to ignore the palaver going on at the edge of the pool had gathered, an odd sense of self-consciousness began creeping into the younger's body and he couldn't help but start moving his fingers between themselves—it was nothing more than an unconscious action.

Though his resolve had been greatly wavered by the outburst, Rin had managed to keep his grip on just one strand of it, and it was enough for him to try once more: "It's not like I'm dead or anyth—"

"Did you hear me or didn't you!?" Something akin to malicious intent was radiating off of Mikoshiba's whole body, and the fear that implanted itself in Rin's stomach wasn't one he'd felt from his captain before. Yeah, he'd gotten angry at him now and again, but never like this.

"…I heard you." With feelings of cowardice and vulnerability permeating his whole self, the boy gently nodded his head at his captain's question.

"Good." When the towel was thrusted towards him, Rin's fingers reluctantly tightened around it. "Now go get chan—whoa, whoa, whoa!" As soon as he was ushered away by a hand on his back, the leg which supported the weight of his body was subjected to an unbelievable pain, which soon lead way to a numbing that ran up him like electricity. The unpredicted agony that had shown its head caught the boy off-guard, and his leg unintentionally gave way. Mikoshiba's reaction to his kouhai's abrupt collapse was immediate; both hands immediately gripped onto the swimmer's body and helped support him as he attempted to re-find his footing. "You all right?" In total contrast to a few seconds ago, the older's previously frightening tone had changed to one of complete calm. It held a firmness, but it was a dependable firmness.

It was a dependable firmness.

It was dependable.

He was dependable.

Mikoshiba Seijuurou was dependable.

Rin's breath caught in his throat as he suddenly recalled the events from that morning. When the red eyes turned to meet the yellow ones, they stared and stared and continued to stare. Nothing about the man's expression or voice was in any way similar to the way he had dealt with Nitori's situation – there was no creepy smile, and no scarily gentle tone. But the air of dependency he emitted was almost exactly the same and it continued to be an enigma to the younger.

_'How does he do that?'_

The area between Mikoshiba's eyebrows scrunched up as he continued to accidentally prolong the silence, question completely forgotten about in his sudden recollection. "Matsuoka?" Unlike before, a clear hint of worry had crept into the deep voice, but it still held that same calmness about it.

"A-Ahh, I just…felt a bit light-headed." Honestly, it seemed a lot more likely for the captain to be dead pernickety if it was aching shins rather than something as simple as light-headedness, so that would have to stick.

"If you didn't feel well, you should have just rested in your room to begin with."

"Ah…yeah." Feelings of guilt slowly eased their way in the more Mikoshiba seemed to worry about him. The way those eyebrows raised and the way his expression was almost…_sad _hurt to look at and Rin just wasn't sure why.

It didn't take long before he was busted though.

Mikoshiba asked if he could get back by himself, and with Rin responding with an affirmative, he eventually let go and allowed the boy to go off on his own.

It only took two steps before he was back down on his hands and knees.

As stupid and whimsical the captain could be, he was awfully careful when it came to injuries within the team—often was he seen greatly fussing over the slightest of cuts or bruises caused during practice or training—so when it became clear that what Rin felt wasn't dizziness but _pain, _Mikoshiba said, without any hesitation:

"I'm bringing you to the nurse's office."

It wasn't a suggestion, or a proposal that Rin could accept or refuse, it was an outright command. After leaving one of the other third years in charge, the red-haired man wrapped one of Rin's arms round his shoulder, and wasted no time in slowly dragging him to get examined. If it wasn't as bad as he seemed to think, he would happily help him back to the changing rooms, let him get showered and changed and then just as happily bring him back to the dorm. If it _did _happen to be as bad as he was making it out to be, there would be little hesitation in him getting changed and taking him to the hospital.

_'The fact I was able to withstand the pain while I was standing is pretty much proof that I haven't broken anything though, right?'_

In the end, it was decided he was fit enough to allow his legs to heal by themselves. There was nothing more there than bruising and a lump on his right leg that would disappear within a few days or so. Though offered an ice pack that Mikoshiba fervently attempted to force Rin to accept, the younger swimmer politely refused and simply stated that he was just going to rest in his room for the rest of the night.

After getting changed, of course.

It was recommended that Rin stop any training for a few days until the pain had disappeared to ensure he damaged his legs no further through any more accidents, but it wasn't something he was very happy to accept doing. He wasn't so irresponsible that he would raise the chance of possibly hurting his legs so much that it would take even longer than just a few days to heal, but it fucking sucked. If there was some miracle cure for injuries, Rin would buy it in a flash, regardless of price.

The pain seemed to have died down a little by the time they left again, but Mikoshiba insisted that Rin continue to use him as a support – "If you fall and hurt your legs any more than you already have, I'm gonna be down a great swimmer for the next competition." Apart from that one line though, their journey back to the showers was continued in nothing but silence. There were times that the captain attempted to start up _some _sort of conversation, regardless of topic, but Rin never responded to a single sentence he spoke or question he asked.

It wasn't that he was deliberately ignoring the older, he just…wasn't focused enough to even hear him speak. Honestly, he couldn't even be sure what was running through his head by this point—he'd seen and heard so many odd things within the span of one and a half days and it was…actually really scary. _'Is it Friday the 13__th__ today or something?' _

Well, it _was _a Friday. He just…wasn't really sure of the date.

Showering had been pretty fiddly, but honestly, getting changed had been a lot worse. It was difficult enough that Rin almost accepted Mikoshiba's offer to help him change. Almost.

After alerting the third year in charge that he'd be staying back at the dorm for the rest of the day – "With your pace, by the time we get back to the dorm there'd be no point in me going back" – Mikoshiba himself got changed and slowly made his way back along with his underclassman.

Of course, such a long walk wouldn't hold the silence that Rin wished for.

"You better rest your legs after this, Matsuoka."

"Do you think I'm fucking stupid or something?"

A raise of an eyebrow from the red-haired man caused a scowl to appear on Rin's face.

"I'm not such a dumbass that I'd worsen an injury that could heal within a couple of days," the younger retorted, eyes thrown back to the front again. "And anyway, Nitori'll prob—" Rin realised what he was saying way too late for it to be possible for him to take it back. "Nitori would…probably stop me from leaving his sight in case I fell or something. If I was going to go exercise, he'd most likely chain me down or something."

Despite his attempt at keeping his tone light, the swimmer's pace seemed to slow after that one slip-up. In nothing but concern, Mikoshiba's golden eyes intently stared at the other's hung-low head, almost as if he were trying to mind read the boy beside him.

"…Did what happened today have anything to do with what went on between you and Nitori?"

The silence that seemed to never have an end was eventually broken by Mikoshiba's low tone. Honestly, Rin couldn't even manage to look up at the captain – the answer to that question was most likely a yes, but he still didn't even know what had happened. Would Mikoshiba question his current state more if he asked though? On the other hand, if he never learned what had really happened, his curiosity would most likely run rampant in his mind.

"…Captain." When the cerise-haired boy suddenly stopped, Mikoshiba quickly pulled himself back—most likely to stop any more possible fallings from the younger.

"Hm?"

Rin finally turned his head enough so that his eyes could comfortably rest on the other's features – which were filled with way too much concern to be appropriate. _'Why's he so worried, anyway? Seriously. I mean, I'm not lying in a hospital bed half-dead or anything.'_

"First things first, can you let go of me? I might be slow but I can walk by myself now."

"No way. There's no way you'r—"

"I'm being serious, Captain."

After a moment of silence and an eyebrow raise from the younger, Mikoshiba eventually sighed and pulled his arm from around Rin's shoulders. "All right, but if you feel like you're about to fall, just grab onto me, okay?"

_'Haha, no.'_

"Okay."

"So what was it you wanted to say? After all, that wasn't the only thing, right?"

Red eyes averted at the question, and, as if searching for the right words, Rin began his slow, rubato of a stagger along the ground beneath him, Mikoshiba close beside. The boy could almost feel the intensity of the older's eyes burning right into him, and it was awfully unnerving. He couldn't tell if he was waiting intently for the reply or if he was just waiting intently for him to fall on his face.

"Just…what happened to me in there?" Rin's mouth had opened many times before the words of his question could form, but Mikoshiba had stayed silent the whole time—his patience rewarded. Now that the question had been asked though, the younger didn't even want to make eye contact with the other.

Just what kind of expression was the captain making? What kind of air was he emitting? How was he looking at him?

Similar questions rode a carousel in his mind, the fanciful music that accompanied them the only thing that prevented him from giving in to his subconscious curiosity.

"You mean you don't know?"

It was quiet, but it held a myriad of emotions that Rin couldn't even think about fully differentiating. The length of time that the silence between them lasted seemed to grow longer every time something was said, and with the cerise-haired boy's silence the only response Mikoshiba could grab, he could do nothing else but continue.

"Matsuoka…there's been something off about you all day. I thought maybe it was just my imagination, but then when you turned up for training…something just didn't seem right. I kept watching you for a while to see if maybe I was just overthinking things, and at first, I thought that maybe, yeah, I _had _actually been overthinking things.

"But then, when you shouted over to Onitsuka…it was like something clicked in your head, and that air that I had felt around you before came back. I considered stopping you before you dived, in case there really _was _something wrong with you, but before I could even do that, you just seemed to be lowering more and more than you usually would when you prepare to dive, and that's when I realised you weren't stopping.

"Before I knew it, you were falling off of the starting block in a sort of odd half-dive—you were already under before I could get to you."

The explanation began with a sigh and ended with a sigh. If it wasn't clear that today's events had tired Mikoshiba out before, it definitely was now. Guilt settled into Rin's stomach at the thought that his actions had affected his captain in a way he hadn't wished for, but he didn't really know how to apologise without seeming real stupid. So instead, he opted for asking something else.

"Was it then that I hit my legs?"

Rin still hadn't looked at Mikoshiba again, but it almost seemed like there was less tension between the two than there had been a few seconds ago. Was talking it out perhaps easing their relationship?

"…Yeah. It was only your upper body that was really diving – your legs didn't push off or anything, so they collided off of the side when you went in. It sounded really painful, though; I'm surprised you can actually stand."

Honestly, Rin was surprised too, but not just at his ability to stand: there was something else, as well—something more. A feeling of uneasiness had slowly crawled up the swimmer's body as his captain had retold the tale of his falling, but it was only at that moment that he understood why such a sensation had came into being.

Rin couldn't recall such a thing ever happening.

_'I don't remember diving into the water, but I don't remember falling in like that either.' _Brow furrowed in thought as the second year tried his hardest to recreate the event in his head. The operation gave him nothing in return; nothing except intensified confusion, that is.

"Matsuoka?"

The younger's body involuntarily jumped in surprise when his thoughts were dispelled by the sound of Mikoshiba's concerned tone. Without even thinking about his previous reluctance to look at his captain, Rin's red irises moved to find a face that exuded as much worry as the voice did. It still felt unbelievably odd every time such an emotion adorned the older's features, but it wasn't like the concern was abhorred.

Of course it wasn't.

"Ah, sorry." It was at that moment that Rin quickly pulled his gaze away, setting it straight in front of him once more. "I was just thinking for a bit."

Another silence strangled the air between them, and for a while, all that could be heard was gentle breaths and the clip-clopping of shoes on smooth stone. The first to break it was once again the captain.

"Hey, Matsuoka." Rin turned his head slightly. "When I show concern or worry for you, what do you see?"

It took a while before the cerise-haired boy could take some sort of understanding from the question—and even then, he wasn't sure if it was right—but eventually, he opened his mouth and responded: "I don't see anything else but a swim team's captain looking out for his teammate; an upperclassman looking out for his underclassman; the superior looking out for the inferior."

Was the answer correct?

Was the answer wrong?

The answer to such a question was nothing more than an opinion, so for there to be a clear-cut right or wrong answer was impossible.

"…I want you to stop thinking like that."

Something seemed to darken in Mikoshiba's voice and a short shiver burst down Rin's spine. When curiosity's hands pulled at the threads of his sight to look towards the older, what he saw was a stern face, looking nowhere except straight in front of him.

"Huh?" The questioning noise left Rin's mouth after a short delay.

"You know, with the role of captain, when you spend months training with the same people week after week, day after day, you come to learn everyone's qualities. It's your duty to help coach your teammates in a way that benefits them so they can shine the brightest they possibly can and to make sure they don't overexert themselves in preparation for a tournament.

"It's your responsibility to devise groups for relays that will benefit the team the most, and make sure the swimmers who don't make it don't feel like they're absolute shit at what they do. In doing that, you learn the signs when something's wrong; you learn what makes your teammates tick; you learn what cheers them up; you learn what the best way to deal with each one of them is."

A deep sigh came from Mikoshiba's direction before he continued.

"When I show concern for you, Matsuoka, it isn't just because I'm your captain. As Mikoshiba Seijuurou, third year student at Samezuka Academy, I care for your wellbeing. And if something's wrong, I don't want you hiding it from me."

All of Rin's movement stopped, a sharp intake of breath the immediate and only reaction to the unexpected words that had left his captain's mouth. When the red-haired stopped along with him a few steps ahead, he didn't turn. Not for a little while at least. But when he did, the expression he held and the air he emitted made Rin's eyes widen.

Those piercing golden eyes were staring at him with an unbelievable intensity, his other facial features filled with a firmness that was foreign to Rin. Once again, that air of dependency that he had felt so many times within that one day was floating from Mikoshiba's body, but at a much greater extent than before. Was it because of how serious he looked? Or was there another reason that he seemed so…trustworthy?

This wasn't the Mikoshiba he knew. It wasn't a Mikoshiba he was used to. But if this was the Mikoshiba he was going to learn of from now on, he held no objections.

It was this Mikoshiba's ability to seem so dependent that grated on Rin's nerves, but at the same time, it was this Mikoshiba that made him feel relaxed with that dependency. He'd never acted on that dependency, never thought about relying on it and telling him what was wrong—and he didn't plan on doing that anytime soon—but on that same note, it felt…it felt _nice. _Nice to know that someone else was willing to listen besides Nitori when their friendship wasn't screwed up.

Was this perhaps…?

"So are you going to tell me what's going on with you or not, Matsuoka?"

The question's asking jolted Rin out of his thoughts, and for a while, no words left his mouth. It wasn't like he needed time to contemplate the answer – he already knew straight away what the answer to such a question would be. What kept him in silence was Mikoshiba himself. Despite everything Rin had told himself about being thankful for this Mikoshiba, at the same time, an unbelievable amount of fear embedded itself within him.

Could he really forever push the captain away if he was going to see performances such as this time and time again…?

"…Hey, Captain."

"Hm?"

"What's today's date?"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

By the time they returned, Rin still hadn't spoken a single word about the situation with Nitori, but Mikoshiba didn't press it. _'Despite him saying he didn't want me hiding anything, I guess he still knows to respect my privacy.'_

After asking if the boy required anything and receiving an answer in the negative, Mikoshiba returned to his own room across the hall, leaving Rin to his own devices. _"Make sure you rest your leg the next few days!" _was the last piece of advice the older had given before disappearing behind the wooden door.

Now that he was alone though, Rin's mind was much more vulnerable to attacks by unwanted emotions. There was already fear constricting around the nerves of his body, and there was only one reason for it: Nitori.

Just what was he going to see when he opened that door? Just what was he going to hear? Was Nitori even going to be there? If he was, what was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to act?

Shaking all questions from his mind, Rin simply placed his hand on the door knob and, with a slow turn, tentatively pushed open the wooden panel. What he was greeted by was nothing other than the gentle light of the sunset filtering in between the curtains. _'Is Nitori out somewhere?'_

"Senpai?" Before he could ponder any more on the question, a small voice came from the top bunk.

"Nitori?"

When no bush of silver popped up over the railing, Rin could only narrow his eyes.

"You're back early tonight, aren't you?"

Face still screwed up, the cerise-haired boy edged his way over to his bed and set his bag down beneath it. Taking off his shoes was a painful process, but it was one Rin didn't want to make a big deal about—so with much wincing and sharp intakes of breath and biting of lips, the two shoes found enough kindness to fire off of his feet.

"Yeah: I was just wondering if you were all right, so I left a bit early to check."

It was a lie, but Rin couldn't help wonder how such words so easily left him. _'Is it because I really am…?' _Shaking his head, the boy set his shoes right and began stripping himself of any unnecessary top layers.

The biggest question you may be asking is why was Rin hiding the truth from his roommate? Surely there was no need? Surely it would become obvious by the next day? Surely Mikoshiba would say something about it? Regardless of it all, the day's events stopped the cerise-haired boy from comfortably speaking of such a problem, so he did nothing but keep his mouth clamped about it. If Nitori would find out whether he told him or not, surely there was no requirement for Rin to speak about it?

"So, _are _you all right?"

After draping his hoodie over his desk's green chair, Rin slowly staggered over to the bed and, using the metal railing as a support, peeked his head over the top bunk to see nothing but a back-turned Nitori.

"…Yeah, I'm just a bit tired."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"If something's going on, you can tell me, Nitori."

"There's nothing going on, Senpai."

"Nitori."

"Yes, Senpai?"

"Look at me."

No response.

"I said look at me, Nitori."

An irritated sigh slipped between Rin's lips as he gently pulled himself up higher, feet on his own bed. He couldn't help but screw his face up at the pain that jolted through both lower limbs at his actions, but honestly, Nitori's current state was much higher up his priority list than his stupid legs.

"…Did something happen?" A lowering of volume accompanied the inquiry as Rin's facial expressions grew softer in nothing but a worry that he himself didn't realise he held for the younger.

A shake of a head was Nitori's only reply.

"Do you not feel well?" Rin extended his arm and gently rested his hand on the silver-haired's forehead. It wasn't like the kid was overly warm or anything, but…there was some sort of moisture that stuck to his skin whenever he rubbed his hand over the bare skin that lay there. _'Wait, is it…sweat?'_

"So you really were ill then?" he sighed, pulling his hand back and rubbing it on his trousers.

"…I'm sorry, Senpai," Nitori finally said, the duvet shuffling as he brought the fabric further over him. "I didn't want to inconvenience you or anything."

"Inconvenience me? What are you talking about, Nitori? If you're ill, you're ill – nothing can change that. Honestly, it's a lot easier on everyone if you just say there's something wrong."

"I'm sorry." When those words came out as a sob, panic hit Rin right in the gut.

"Whoa, hey, hey, no, it's okay! Come on, don't cry!" Unsure of what to do or what to say, especially with Nitori still turned away from him, Rin quickly reached over and rubbed his hand on, what he assumed, was the other's back, murmuring useless words of comfort in an attempt to block the tears that had began flowing. It wasn't that he could see them, but all that left Nitori's body was splutters and sobs. _'Maybe it's better that he doesn't turn round.'_

"How about you just sleep for now, hm? We can talk more tomorrow," Rin suggested after the crying had died down, ruffling the younger's hair.

"…'kay."

"G'night, Nitori."

"Night, Senpai."

In hopes that he wouldn't disturb Nitori, Rin spent the rest of his time reading or studying, attempting to both direct his mind away from the dull pain that still throbbed in his shins and the growing sense of uneasiness that he couldn't understand.

That night held no unintended coughs, unintentionally loud sobs or staggered breaths, but what it did hold was strings and strings of lies that were ever so slowly becoming more and more intertwined as each hour passed, threatening to entrap whoever found themselves involved.

* * *

**A/N: **Even though they probably make close to no sense, I really hope the length of these chapters make up for the fact that this is only monthly （・ｘ・ｃ）


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